English twitter: @kidethnic
KID ETHNIC IS WRITTEN BY:
saleem reshamwla
who is fresh of the boat (that circled the globe).
He makes crazy stuff:
Zombie Rap Videos, Truly Strange Geographic Education Flicks, Micro-Documentaries About Chinese Cell Phone Markets...kidethnic@gmail.com
日本語のtwitter: @masalasoccer
ALSO BY KID ETHNIC:
The Whiteboard Videos
Music+Whiteboard Markers+Friends=Good ways to spend weekends
The Annual Kid Ethnic Valentine
Because I love you so much.
SEAWEED BREAKFAST
A collection of stories about Japan written while part of the National Geographic Glimpse Correspondents' Training Program.
Twitter
I twitter infrequently. But hope we can stay friends.
100JapaneseThings
A collaborative site to help folks (and each other) find Japanese stuff.
The Alpaca Song
I wrote and recorded this for you. Because you <em>need</em> a song about alpacas, don’t you?
An Open Letter From The Children, RE: Vegetable Chocolate · 25 May 09
Dear Adults of the World,
You must answer for this thing:
It is understood that we are in struggle.
That you are as determined to make us eat our vegetables as we are determined to shove them under our napkins.
Or feed them to our pet rabbits.
Such is our nature, and the more intelligent among us understand that it is for the best.
Given a button that would wipe all adults from the face of the earth, we would not push this button. In some strange and twisted way, we need you as much as you need us.
We are in, a manner, of speaking, of the same kind. The same beings, merely temporally displaced.
We understand that we are doomed to become you.
And still we must fight.
—-
Among the most vicious of our confrontations have concerned when and in what quantities we might eat chocolate. It is perhaps the only one of our dietary desires that approaches our wish to cease ingesting vegetables.
And we are happy to engage in screaming matches on either topic.
But you, our gigantic, freakish, arch-enemies, you must understand that we can’t make things.
We can perhaps sneak chocolate, we might, in dire circumstances, steal chocolate. But the MAKING of chocolate, this is against our nature. We have not the resources.
Traditionally, the battle has been over resource allocation.
We did not expect from you, this asymmetrical warfare, this burning and pillaging of our sustenance before it has reached our eyes, much less melted in our mouths and hands.
This is the stuff of nightmares: the mythical razor in our holiday candy, the organ thief in the night, the rats fried among chicken.
The vegetables in our chocolate.
—-
While we do not wish to threaten, we would like to remind you that we, especially in the developing nations, decidedly outnumber you.
We have not resorted to such techniques as mass coordinated biting, which, due to new technologies, those at the upper-bound of our designation (but not yet in those guerilla tween years), have the technological know-how to organize.
And we do not wish to resort to such tactics.
We are just saying.
We are hereby officially asking you to cease these tactics. If we must fight, and we are willing to allow that we must, let us fight clean.
Your future,
The Children
—-
Over the top, admittedly. But I saw this vegetable chocolate in the discount rack (surprising?) at the local convenience store and had to buy it. The taste was not a sensation that a child would enjoy.
* * *
The 'L' / 'R' Glitch That Greatly Improved Things | PHOTO: My Classy Friend, Please Bring No Clouds, PLUS: A Video Experiment
Gross, especially with the hair mixed in.
While I enjoy my vegetables now, I will remain eternally grateful to my dog who was down with eating my brussels sprouts as a kid.
— Mel 981 days ago #
I know, right? I considered photoshopping the hair out. But I decided on truth.
A mistake?
— saleem 978 days ago #
UPDATE: The hair is now gone. Sadness. BUT I’LL BRING IT BACK IF THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT SO.
— saleem 978 days ago #
I think the hair is an integral part of adding to the total foulness of the composition. Without it, you just see vegetable chocolate, which looks like a Dollar Store knock-off of Laughy Taffy. Sure, it’s bound it to be gross but not genuinely foul.
On a totally random note, I was in West Virginia this weekend to go white water rafting, and it turns out the Fantasy Video and Adult Arcade store was on the same road as our rental cabin. I must say that never in my 25 years have I found a more magically hilarious porn store, inside and out.
— Mel 977 days ago #
Woah, this store? http://tinyurl.com/ocwq2c
You actually went inside?
And did you, perhaps, stay in the same cabin I once stayed in? Was THIS LITTLE EYE-LESS MAN THERE??? http://tinyurl.com/rddgsb
Dear goodness, please do tell.
— saleem 977 days ago #
Yes, indeed that would be the store. My friends and I had way too many unanswered questions concerning the nature of an adult arcade. Basically, you walk in the door to find the clichéd seedy employee to the left, and a cavernous doorway to the right. Once you step out of the light, it’s kind of a like a haunted house, only instead of screams you hear moans, and instead of people jumping out of hidden passages trying to scare you, you get middle aged men wiping their hands on their pants shamed face.
The arcade part is set up like a labyrinth of photo booths. Each booth takes tokens which you get from a machine—five tokens for a dollar with each token equaling one minute of video. After you’ve add your tokens to the machine, you press a button to decide which movie you’d prefer. Beth and I were both surprise at the amount of gay porn they had, but in case two dudes isn’t your thing, they had plenty of other options including the sadly extinct 90’s porn with a plot. Our booth had a glory hole which added another delicious layer to the awkward cake.
Overall the store didn’t live up to my expectations concerning how sketchy it would be. I know a lot of the men leaving the booths were really embarrassed to be confronted with four chicks—they wouldn’t even look at our faces. Also, I asked one customer to explain the how the booths worked thinking he was an employee. He was a nice father time sort who showed me how to set the booth up. The rest of the store was pretty lame in terms of merchandise, although they had two rooms set aside that I never figure out the purpose of.
Our cabin didn’t have the creepy corner punishment children, although I did find a Christian store that had 10 of them lined up in a row against a bench. I wondered if each child represented an Ethical Decalogue. Aside from the vast amount of mirrors (two per 7 sq. ft., beds included), our cabin was pretty normal in a West Virginia way.
— Mel 972 days ago #
So, awhile back, I thought about getting rid of comments. Mainly because it was a pain sifting through spam.
The above comment makes all that sifting worth it. Word.
— saleem 971 days ago #