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FROM THE START:
The Quarter-Japanese Kid hits up the homeland

Tokyo Silence

I'm Oriented

Tilting Towards Kumamoto

Fish Heads and Public Nudity

Halfie the Half-blood falls off his bike

And furthermore: Halfie the Half-blood Breaks a Chair

I Don't Know if I Like Pippi Longstalkings

Tanboy Eats Fish Eyeball

Japanese Communists are Cuddly

Test Your Halfblood Knowledge!

I Scare Small Children

It Was Like a Cuteworld Abby Road

Today's Post Contains Bees. And Profanity.

Typhoons Will Not Stop Me

The Sun Also Sets

Quick Note: Saleem is Not Dead

CORRECTION: Typhoons Scare Me. Lots.

Watch the Tan Kid Blush

Call for Entries: Name My Kids

The Youth Are Quick and True

Open Letter: To the Breaker at City Hall

Halfie Gets a Verbal Sucker Punch

The Kumamoto Drunken Horse Fest

Japanese Houses Hate Halfie's Head

How to Start Your Japanese Rock Band

Halfie's Personal Dignity on Decline

Japanese Sports Day: I Train Young Warriors

Theory: Three Strange Occurences Per Hour

How to Win an iPod While Dressed as a Typhoon

Winnie the (drunken) Pooh

The Earth Quakes

Collecting Japanese Salmon Sperm

Illiterate at 26

Japan's Children Ignore Homeboy's Toothless Face

Japanese Genius Boy Answers Your Question

Our Students Have Respect . For Nelly.

The Young Boxers

Dear 27% of America (Kid Ethnic Registers)

Please Do Not Attempt to Step to My Japanese Rock Band

Call for Entries: Name My Kids · 14 September 04

UPDATE: These are hot. Keep ‘em coming.

***

One of the schools I work at is a vocational school with 1,200 kids. That s a lot of tricky Japanese names to remember.

So, I’ve been giving my kids really goofy American names. Easy to remember for me, fun for them.

Right now, my favorite kids are named ‘George Bush’ and ‘Chicken’. I mean, ‘Chicken’? Come on, that s a dope name.

I also have a couple of Bob Marleys that I like, too. For some reason, though, ‘Tommy’ always draws the biggest laughs.

But there’s still at least one big group of kids that does not have names.

And here’s where you get a once in a lifetime chance: Name a Japanese kid.

For less than the price of a cup of coffee a day (free!), I ll do my best to name a kid whatever the coolest names you guys suggest are. At the end of the month, I ll post some pictures of kids and the names you have given them.

Yes, you ll get to see a picture of Chicken.

Just click ‘Comment’ below to start. Preview it, then press Submit. Making a difference is just that easy.

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  1. Seven. (sorry, had to)
    Booger.
    Soup.
    Godzilla. (it’s a must)
    50.
    Jason Cooper    1336 days ago    #

  2. Does it freak anyone else out that Coop wants to give these poor kids numbers instead of names? And don’t you dare pull the “they all look the same to me” garbage, Coop, that ain’t right.

    But if Godzilla works, can Mothra be far behind? Or, for that matter, Mr. Roboto or Daniel-san?

    How ‘bout:
    Paris Hilton (ha!)
    Freddie Jackson
    Kenny (as in “Ohmygodtheykilledkenny!”)
    TIMMY! (who doesn’t love a little South Park?)
    ?uestlove
    The artist formerly known as Prince
    Miles Davis
    Jim Ray    1336 days ago    #

  3. How about:
    Weaselteats
    Dingo
    Skippy
    Jesus Rodrigues
    Beckham (bet everybody wants this one)
    Bryce Flea
    Alv    1336 days ago    #

  4. Lets try these:
    Soda
    Cash Money
    Pete (from the best Nickelodean show ever Pete & Pete)
    Cosmo Kramer
    Lil’ ___ (just fill in that blank with any name and they become an instant gangsta)
    Chris Moore    1335 days ago    #

  5. I would be so tempted to give them good Japanese names like Pikachu, or Digimon.

    But if I fought that temptation, I would name them things like:
    Big Pun or 2pac, though I bet they’d be familiar with the world-wide sindicated “Fresh Prince”

    I guess they’d probably want to be named after people they know, right?
    What about Scooby, J-Lo or Shaq Daddy, depending of course on the kid’s personality and appearance.
    Dan    1335 days ago    #

  6. * Bone Collector (terrible movie)
    * Soulscreamer
    * Fastfood (they love it, no?)
    * Gling Glo (old Bjork’s band)
    * So Broken
    Krzysztof    1335 days ago    #

  7. How about:

    Pookie
    Pile o’ nice
    Bushwhacker
    Jujube
    Lolita
    Monica    1335 days ago    #

  8. name them after typefaces:
    bodoni
    futura
    caslon
    helvetica
    or just weird fonts like:
    baby teeth
    amy    1334 days ago    #

  9. I like the movie character names:
    Tyler Durden
    Neo
    Trinity
    Jonathon Moxon
    Mitch Martin
    Frank “The Tank” Ricard
    etc….
    Keith    1334 days ago    #

  10. Show the ladies some love with stripper names:

    Kandi/Candi/Kandy
    Divinity
    Glitter
    Infinity
    Pheonix
    Amber
    Mocca
    Leather
    Krystal
    Whisper
    joeyb    1334 days ago    #

  11. I mean, dang, you guys are good at this. Keep ‘em coming, I’m just going to put together a big handout with tons of names on it and see which ones stick.

    Your friend,
    saleem    1334 days ago    #

  12. saleem, bro, i couldn’t resist the entertainment this gave me during a long boring lecture on the thyroid.
    it seems like the kids like random nouns…the possibilities are endless…
    Q-tip
    duck
    bunny
    robpert
    boo
    potato
    homestar
    frodo
    mercedes and other car names are pretty fly too.
    (it was hard for me to not think of internal organs…dang med school)
    mercedes    1334 days ago    #

  13. Shock-n-Awe
    Laura    1334 days ago    #

  14. Dude, if you don’t name one of your kids “Tyler Durden” you have wasted your time here.

    “I am Tyler’s lack of cultural sensitivity.”
    Jim Ray    1334 days ago    #

  15. how about-
    Superfly
    the hulk
    Jim Ray
    and uh…..
    MARIO
    DMAC    1333 days ago    #

  16. Mr. Mistopheleese
    z    1333 days ago    #

  17. I met your parents just before they left on their cruise. Majid made the best homemade picante sauce ever…so in honor of that

    Salsa

    And since Seven, Soda and Cosmo Kramer made this list, how about

    Bosco
    Deloris
    Bubble Boy
    Festivas
    Jr. Mint
    Maestro
    and of course—Newman
    eje    1333 days ago    #

  18. In keeping with the latest hollywood trends how about some comic-book superhero names.

    Hulk,
    Wonderwoman,
    Captain America,
    Spiderman,
    She Hulk,
    Hellboy,
    The Green Lantern,
    AquaMan,
    Superman,
    Batman,
    Hairbutt the hippo

    Or if they are, like, evil kids you can always name them after supervillans….
    Simon    1333 days ago    #

  19. How about
    Simpson
    Karl Marx
    Lenin
    Stalin

    Easy to guess where I am from right? :)
    Ela    1333 days ago    #

  20. Billy Bob
    Hill Billy
    Ma
    Pa
    Cousin Francine?

    Knew I should’ve watched the Beverley Hillbillies the last time it was on. Would’ve had loads of names for ya.
    Glen    1175 days ago    #

  21. HOMER..hehe thats the best name _
    corina    1008 days ago    #

  22. That is a lot of students! The names are tricky, too! Aren’t they offended by the nicknames you give them? How about naming one Godzy?
    Online Wong PoKér Hu    901 days ago    #

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