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Collecting Japanese Salmon Sperm · 5 November 04

You’ve been on CNN.com far too much this week.

To take your mind off the obvious, today I give you an amazing tale from Ching To, a teacher North of me here in Japan.

This story may gross you out.

I just witnessed what happens on a salmon farm. I was asked to observe a science class not knowing what the lesson was about.

All the fifth years (8 year olds) were in there and there were two salmon fishermen standing in the middle. One of them held out a live female salmon over half a metre along, proceeded to unblinkingly slit it’s belly…

...here I’m skipping an extra-gross part…

...The fisherman then picked an even huger live male salmon, then (sorry, I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this) the guy sqeezed the salmon’s nether regions and it’s sperm came spurting out into the bowl of eggs. It didn’t stop there, he (and I’m not joking here) got a bit in his eye and was trying to squint it out while holding the fish.

At this point I was mortified, I was watching everything through my fingers and hiding behind my kids who were standing on chairs to see it… The eggs were then taken away and put into a temperature controlled aquarium to fertilise until one day lots of little baby salmon would hatch. 

What a weird start to the day. I guess the kids certainly learned something, even if it was the most graphic lesson in reproduction I’ve ever been to…

(I have no idea how to end this post. I mean, how do I follow a guy getting salmon spermed in the eye? Feel free to make suggestions.)

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  1. nothing like a little salmon sperm story to get your mind off the country self-destructing. perhaps this story should be passed around to all down and out Democrats: “let’s all gather round for storytime and hear about two salmon that were very much in love…”
    maggie    2648 days ago    #

  2. I thought for sure you were going to tell us he ate the ikura.

    Oddly, I was told a similar story by a friend of mine in southwest England who visited a pig farm as a 9 year old with his school.

    There he witnessed a man decapitating pigs and handing the heads to another guy who split each head in half with a band saw to scoop out the brains. Course boys screaming and little girls fainting.

    Myself, growing up in the bible belt of USA, school trips were to more so inert places.

    I suppose the moral of all this is “if you never watch the violence, you won’t ever get desensitized to it.”
    ayman    2648 days ago    #

  3. since i’m from the Pacific NW, i grew up going on field trips to salmon hatcheries. the salmon actually first get their heads placed on a wooden board, then thunk with a hammer.

    was the gross part you skipped where all the eggs come squirting out from the female?
    angela    2648 days ago    #

  4. Is this perhaps alluding to the rebirthing process that the current US political system has to undergo?

    The fisherman could have said “After battle, I killed a salmon for supper. See you baby.”

    And then you would have recognized your student, extending his battle into international political allegory.
    Wild country.
    Camilo    2647 days ago    #

  5. ok. now this is a story for me! It’s a real gross out story about animals! Dr. Dave would be proud. However, imagine doing the same job (sperm collecting) on a bull. It has to be alive by the way. And then imagine trying to fertilize the eggs into a live, grumpy cow. Ha ha! That’s a story.

    Yo, so who’s angela? She from the Pacific NW too? She’s right. we do get to go on a lot of school feild trips to the salmon farms. Also to watch the salmon spawning. Then we have to draw diagrams. Fun stuff.
    What was your costume for halloween? the one eye decorated with eyeliner man? Ha ha. liked the typhoon costume. But me and Cynthia as disco divas has to be a close second.
    Carli    2647 days ago    #

  6. Hey, Cheers for putting my story up :) it’s funny seeing my words up there as I’m ridiculously new to this computer malarkey.

    And yeah, earthquakes are scary. But it’s funny how you get used to them and (dangerously) blase, even.

    Sometimes, I’m asleep when they happen and I think, oh it’ll be over soon, hide under my duvet and carry on snoozing…!
    Ching    2644 days ago    #

  7. I think there is a DJ assault song about this…
    Urban Shaman    2642 days ago    #

  8. See, after I went through all the trouble of editing out the unsettling bits, you kids go and drop significantly more disgusting bits into the comments pile.

    For the record:
    ...One of them held out a live female salmon over half a metre along, proceeded to unblinkingly slit it’s belly, it was so disgusting. Th ekids were so grossed out.The female’s shiny orange see through eggs poured out into the bowl. I was horrified but it didn’t end there. The fisherman then picked an even huger live male salmon…

    Was the part that was cut. Though it seems pretty tame now.

    Ayman: “Eat the ikura” and pig decapitation in one comment. Stellar work, bro.

    Your friend,
    saleem    2638 days ago    #

  9. more for the record:

    1. the salmon had been clubbed prior to the lesson, but were still alive.

    2. you peeps are brick while i’m easily grossed out.

    3. the baby salmon are due for christmas.
    ching    2626 days ago    #

  10. Long time listener….first time caller….who am i kidding…i kinda lost track of ur blog there for a while, but I just had a great time reading all this…hours before an impending exam… Glad to see you are doing well…May the Indian half survive…
    Feraz    2621 days ago    #

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