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Big Toe in the Cranberry · 25 November 04

In honor of the day: I present the following mixed-race myth, recently read it at Caleb’s. Sajid and Yasmin are my siblings. Enjoy.

Sajid’s eyes focus on a point outside the window.

“Praise Allah!” he yells.
“Here comes
the Flying Tiger
Fist of Judo Death.”

And I see him, too.
It’s Bruce muthafuckin’ Lee
Crashing through our lake-view window
and landing on the dining-room table.

Left-foot in the stuffing
Right foot on the cranberry sauce.

We do not move.

He points a mighty left-chop and screams
“Asians to the left!”
Grandma and dad go running.
He swings a mighty axe kick in the opposite direction.
“Whites to the right!”
And Grandpa’s old white ghost flies hard right.

(not wanting to disturb things,
my mother slips, slips away)

Sajid, Yasmin and I sit still.
Who can inform the ancient master
that we cannot comply?
Only thin sister will break
the news.
“But Bruce,” she wails. “We’re mixed race!”

Bruce is infuriated
He drops into a low squat and swings his fist deep into the bowels
of my grandmother’s turkey.
His face contorts.
His world-renowned two inch punch
unleashes immeasurable pain
into the pumpkin pie filling.

Sajid weeps with joy.

With the strength of 7 dragons
Bruce furrows his brow.
He can find no solution!

Verily was it all reflected
in the Feng Shui-approved Merry Mirror of the Smiling Buddha
Dining Display Case.

20% off at Ikea.

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  1. Well, what can I say? IKEA rocks pretty hard.

    As does the Valentines’ Day Card. If it weren’t free, but instead was for sale on Ebay, I’d so totally buy it.
    — sianish    2627 days ago    #

  2. the masses are too stunned to comment. sometimes you just gotta suppress that stuff, bro.
    — Poop on a Loop    2620 days ago    #

  3. I remember this poem. I still love it.
    — maggie    2619 days ago    #

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