Kid Ethnic: Travels: Mail Saleem Stickers and Receive a Stupid Song!

Mail Saleem Stickers and Receive a Stupid Song! · 15 April 05

Executive summary: You mail me some cheap stickers, and I’ll write and record a really short, really stupid song for you on the topic of your choosing. Mailing address below.

Oh, look. It’s a Japanese teacher-changing ceremony:

Aw, Luke’s dad showed up. What a great father.

But soft! What’s this got to do with you getting a Customized Stupid Song?

New teachers means new students. New students means new incentives to greatness. New incentives =goofy foreign stickers.

Yes, to get my kids to pay attention, I bribe them with stickers. Regular, cheap, junky stickers. But it’s a new year, and I’ve run out.

So let’s make a trade.

The stickers can feature the logo of your favorite band, propoganda from a cool clothing brand, whatever. Nothing fancy, and probably totally free. Send me at least a handful. When I receive them, I’ll record a little something stupid for ya.

Your song can be about you, about your boy/girl, about your mom, about your pancreas, about lactose-intolerance… Any reasonably family-friendly topic of your choosing.

DISCLAIMER: I reserve the right to make the song absurdly short (like 8.374 seconds or something) or really, really, long. And mind-numbingly stupid. Like so stupid it hurts.

If you prefer, I can draw you a Totally Awesome Stick Picture and mail it to you. Maybe I’ll post the results here.

My mailing address:

Saleem Reshamwala
1-14-11 Apt. 303
Ezu, Kumamoto shi
862-0942
JAPAN

Offer good for, um, I dunno, as long as I want it to be.

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* * *

Oh, you are so on.

Do they still make classic 80’s Scratch-And-Sniff stickers? So foul, yet so entertaining.
— Mel 2486 days ago #
* so stickers like marketing stickers and not stickers like you buy at the store (like the sheets of 1000 four-leaf clovers and stuff)? i would send them even without a song, although that’s a pretty gosh darn good incentive. (pun intended)
— jane 2486 days ago #
I don’t know how I stumbled across this blog but it has made my day meaning no one will be shanked. But then again you are living my dream, I’ll try to keep the blade from you. Can’t wait to read more actually, the sillyness will keep me coming back for more. Hopefully someone will send you Napolean Dynomite to show your students. There is nothing like white mid america to teach your students english.
— Lina 2483 days ago #
Scratch and sniff would be lovely. Especially if it smells like something really crazy, like, uh, Napoleon Dynamite.

As long as the stickers don’t look Japanese, I want for ‘em.

The kids do really love clothing and weird inspirational stuff. I bet baseball (or any sport in general) stickers would be rad as well.

Your friend,
— saleem 2483 days ago #
Oh, and Lina: I’m, uh, glad you’re not going to shank me. Does that mean stab? ‘Cause when I was little, it meant have-your-pants=yanked-down-in-public.

Does anyone else remember that usage?
— saleem 2483 days ago #
Sadly, for the first time ever, the Teacher’s Aid store let me down in a big way on stickers. The only thing they had were bug stickers with either phrases or adjectives on them. They’re now in my possession based solely on the recommendations of a nine-year-old who thought they were awesome. For all I know, he was merely reading what one of the stickers said.

I don’t know, they’re so lame it hurts which makes them incredibly amusing. To send or not to send?

I have never heard shank used beyond to it’s actual meaning.
— Mel 2482 days ago #
I had only ever used it as have-your-pants-pulled-down-in-public.

BTW, this is one of Yasmin’s friends from college. We’ve met a few times before and I was told about your website by a friend of yours (Keith). Love it but have never posted anything. I think my fave was the pic/story with missing tooth guy and Yas having to explain the whole Reshamwala lactose intolerance problem to the phone a nurse. Good times.

Anyways, felt I needed to back you up on the slang shank definition.
— Melissa 2482 days ago #
I’m using the prison term of stab, its a new thing here in Texas, then again I’m living here in Texas and most of the people here are backwards. But I do live in one of its cities, and there are alot of people here who have went to prison. Perhaps with you I’ll have to say stab but it just doesn’t hold its edginess too it.
— Lina 2482 days ago #
And then again there are lot of ganstas here in San Antonio, they use that term too. I am not one, but I am around them constantly, because they live around me, which sorta kinda makes me a badass. I can survive yo!
— Lina 2482 days ago #
Thanks for the backup, Melissa. And yes, Reshamwala lactose intolerance is always good for a laugh.

Lina, despite your reassurances, I am mildly afraid of you.

Oh, wait. I forgot. I have massive biceps and fear nothing! I am not afraid of you.

(I actually just got weighed today at school. 5’10” and 139 lbs. I am so huge and powerful!)
— saleem 2481 days ago #
awwww, I didn’t mean to scare you, I am a nice person. I guess this city is turning evil. I need to get out of here. I’ll search for some crazy stickers for your students just to show how nice I am. Your like Godzilla yo, all about the height.
— Lina 2481 days ago #
Hey Saleem,
I don’t have any stickers for you, but if you want, you can post a drawing about how much you miss working at the N&O.
— Karen 2481 days ago #
Thanks, Karen. I’ll consider it, yo. But I’ll consider it more if you find me some freakin’ stickers! Ha!

Mel, send ‘em. I will still love you forever, even if they are lame.

And: It occurs to me that magazines are also cool. Kids love magazines.

Motorcycles, fashion mags, whatever you think kids might like. High school kids, yo.
— saleem 2479 days ago #
what about tattoos? temporary ones, that is.
— cate 2477 days ago #
Never heard of the word shank in any other term than that of stabbing someone. But then again, I’ve never heard anyone in the UK say it and only know of it cos of films like Stallone’s Lock Up where people are constantly shanking each other!

Lina, Texas, SCARY.

How well would soccer stickers go down? Can’t promise any David Beckhams as the packs are sealed, but i’ll see how many packs i can get. Maybe i could find some kinds and trade for a David Beckham for you. If so, my song will have to be amazing!
— Glen 2477 days ago #
Lina is awesome. Such is my decree.

Temporary tattoos=dope.

Soccer stickers? They’d go down like, uh, something that moves downward especially fast or well. Rad.

[Note to self:
Make list of ‘Things that move downward especially fast or well’ so I can be ready with a quick simile at the next opportunity. That was embarrassing.]

Your friend,
— saleem 2476 days ago #
I trump all a y’all with temporary tattoos that are made of SOUR SHERBET! Aw yeah, courtesy of my former employers and lovingly stolen by mine own fair hand, these tatts will have your kids so strung out on nuclear linguicidal sweetness (having licked each other senseless) that you’ll be saved the trouble of lesson planning for at least a week.

No need to thank me – or at least not in a song. Please send my fabulous stick drawing to my home address (emailed to you shortly).

O.
— Onika 2473 days ago #
Oi Saleem!

what dya think of movie postcards?I m talkin star wars and the shits. u think the kids wld be thrilled or no biggie?
— Haniffa 2470 days ago #
Movie postcards could work, yo. Throw in a random magazine and you’re golden, yo.

Onika, freaking amazing. And: I’m scared.
— saleem 2465 days ago #
* should come in the mail soon. i’m going to try to mail them tomorrow. they’re random stickers.
— jane 2445 days ago #
* let me know when you get them.
— jane 2439 days ago #
Saleem…I was just doing the happy food dance, and I thought about you. Thank god for google.Please e-mail me. I hope you are well. I will be sending you some stickers soon.
— gita shonek 2431 days ago #

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