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Kid Ethnic: 103 Days At Sea: The Sweetest Little Candy in the Whole Dirty South

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The Sweetest Little Candy in the Whole Dirty South · 9 June 05

[DISCLAIMER: The following occurred in my imagination.]

THE SCENE: A 7-11 IN Kumamoto, Japan.

[USHER AND LIL’ JOHN, TIRED AFTER A LONG DAY OF TOURING THE LOCAL CASTLES AND ART MUSEUMS, ARE LOOKING FOR CANDY.]

LIL JOHN: [SORTING THROUGH BRIGHTLY PACKAGED CANDY] See, what we lack is better branding… some kind of umbrella name for this whole Dirty South meets Top 40 good-times vibe we got goin’ on, ya know?

[USHER RAISES ONE EYEBROW WHILE TILTING HAT]

LJ: Yeah, I knew you’d agree with me on that. What the…? No Pixie Stix™? How you gonna call yourself a civilized nation and not have Pixie Stix™?

[USHER DOES THE HUSTLE FOR A SECOND, SWITCHES TO THE PERCOLATOR, AND SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS]

LJ: I know, right? Anyway, what I’m saying is we need a na- [GRABS CANDY BAG OFF RACK AND HOLDS IT IN HAND] Holy crap. It’s perfect!

Crunky Popjoy, Kumamoto, Japan

[USHER DOES SOME KIND OF MOONWALK THING, PIROUETTES, JUMPS IN THE AIR AND CLICKS HIS HEELS LIKE PETER PAN. SOMEHOW MANAGES TO STILL LOOK SUAVE.]

LJ: That’s what I’m sayin’!

( The above candy was in fact purchased in a Kumamoto 7-11. It was delicious. )

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