Kid Ethnic: Travels: Kid Brother Hurts Rocking Chair, Helps Flowers

Kid Brother Hurts Rocking Chair, Helps Flowers · 10 February 06

Booyah. Kid Brother just made your day.

And furthermore:

(click to enlarge)

Go on, then. Let that sun shine in.

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I had no idea you guys lived right on Bond Lake. Your parentals have some prime property, my man. Bitchin’ screened-in porch, too.
— Byzek 2183 days ago #
Byzek, where have you been all through high school? How could you not know that?
— andy 2182 days ago #
High school’s weird like that. I hadn’t even been to Jeff’s house until… last month. Oops.
— maggie 2182 days ago #
We’ll remedy that next time we’re both in America.

The Reshamwala house is dang well known as the place to “accidentally” show up at 7:30 for a guaranteed dinner invite. Best goat curry in Cary, NC, for sure.

As for the land, the Dad made a lucky buy back when it was just a bunch of empty lots. Huzzah for Lady Fortuna.
— saleem 2182 days ago #
I didn’t know it was possible to look so blissfully happy past the age of 10. Impressive.
— Mel 2181 days ago #
Best Indian food in Cary…although I don’t recall showing up unannounced.
— andy 2181 days ago #
Man stopping by to drop something off every night around 6:30 kept me from starving after graduating college when I didn’t have a job. I thought that trick was a secret, now everyone knows…
Here’s another good trick: when Saleem leaves the country for a month and you don’t have a place to live, just show up at the Reshamwala house with a suitcase and say Saleem said is was OK if you lived there for a while. They’ll invite you in and call you white brother.
— Fischer 2180 days ago #
Fischer is the world’s richest bum.
You should get a medal.
— andy 2180 days ago #
I love that story! Heather and Tyler have done the dinner thing, the tutoring thing, the get-me-a-job thing, the hanging-out thing, and the holiday thing with my family while I’ve been gone… but so far, have not yet moved in. At least I don’t think so…
— maggie 2176 days ago #
This is like a nice little high school reunion, w/o the people I don’t care about catching up w/.
— andy 2175 days ago #
I have never consumed Indian food at the Reshamwala household. This saddens me deeply.

High school is weird like that. Who cares about a screened-in porch on a lake when you’re in high school? All I cared about was, like, boobs. I’m WAY more mature now.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to kiss my daughter in hopes of getting a sample of that sweet, sweet mammary delight that might have crusted on her face.
— Byzek 2174 days ago #
Wait, caring about boobs is immature? If that’s true, I plan on being immature forever then. Either that or kill me.

Seriously, kill me.
— andy 2173 days ago #
Why don’t you just take a sip of the mammary delight?
— Rita 2173 days ago #
Dear Little Brother,

I, too, am very confused by the strange turn this comment page has taken.

I didn’t know things were gonna be like this.

Your confused sibling,
Saleem
— saleem 2173 days ago #
I think it’s clear what needs to happen here.

A grand reunion at the Reshamwala place next time Saleem’s home. All of us in attendance. Bellies full of homemade Indian food. Topless servers for Jeff and Andy.
— maggie 2172 days ago #
Dear Readers Who Did Not Attend Apex High School Yet Still Possess Interest In Maggie’s Aforementioned Party,

You are invited, too.

Your friendly associate,
Saleem
— saleem 2172 days ago #
We are talking topless women right?

Maggie, are you volunteering?
— andy 2171 days ago #
I’m in.
— dan 2171 days ago #
So Byzek, why didn’t you just go to the source? Is it taboo? Having never been with a woman who was currently capable of such miracles, I’ve always wondered. One thing I’m sure of – you gotta stay away from your kid’s dried milk dribble. It seems a lot like nibbling on the crusty stuff that forms around the top of the carton. Yeah, I say go to the source.
— anonymous dan 2171 days ago #
The source(s), quite simply, no longer belong(s) to me. I wouldn’t classify it as taboo—I mean, I can eat vindaloo and ossobucco and other delectable delights. My going for fresh BM (that’s Breast Milk, friends) is kinda like this scenario:

Let’s say we’re at a party with topless servers and curry (in no particular order). The host has graciously provided, in addition to bare breasts, a wide array of slippers for keeping feet warm. All but one pair of these slippers is made of wool, while the final pair is made from 100% cotton (which is recommended for anti-leakage breast pads, by the way). Let’s say that the following is true:

a) you’re wicked allergic to wool, to the point of anaphylactic shock
b) said topless servers are dispensing curry from their oversized nipples
c) said curry dispensation requires adequate fondling and digital manipulation of said nipples
d) said topless servers are standing in the middle of an ice rink
e) said ice rink has been constructed from dry ice
f) said slippers provide protection from said dry ice to allow for dispensing of a full serving of said curry
g) said curry is delicious
h) I am personally aware of all of the above

Now let’s say we arrive at the party at the same time and I decide to wear the cotton slippers, rubbing my grimy, nasty feet in the supple, warm slippers. That’s not taboo—it’s jerk-oo.

The point is that people without foot warmth are incapable of breast fondling, and therefore starve.
— Byzek 2171 days ago #
This has suddenly become a train wreck that I can’t stop looking at…
— Fischer 2171 days ago #
Point taken. I guess I was just assuming there would be enough cotton slippers to go around.
— dan 2170 days ago #
There probably are enough cotton slippers. But if I know I don’t go into anaphylactic shock from wool, I should probably just wear the wool slippers.

Of course, when drinking is involved, things change. Let’s just say there’s a reason I called it mammary delight.

Fischer, has the train been arighted on the tracks now? Or did it just flip over and land on the poor, unsuspecting birch tree?
— Byzek 2170 days ago #
If only Ms. Umstead could see us now, so grown-up from all our hormonal nerdy teenage talk of tearing through bushes with swords and… mammaries.

Oh, wait.

Being part of the never-growing up club is fun. Thanks, guys.
— maggie 2170 days ago #
Yes, we’ve found Neverland! Not quite what I expected, but so long as the curry teets never run dry…
— dan 2170 days ago #
What other flavors do the nipples come in? Curry is fine but I like choices.

Garlic?
Dill?
Rosemary?
Pepper?
Other?
Are we limiting ourselves to just spices?

Really, this train wreck is causing more questions than answers.
— andy 2168 days ago #
I can’t believe you guys haven’t thought of beer flavored nipples.

Can you imagine if a lady with beer flavored nipples hit up an AA meeting? Oh, calamity.

Though I must ask if an individual with beer flavored nipples can really be considered a ‘lady’...
— Mel 2168 days ago #
This ladylike beer lover offers an unequivocal yes. As long as it’s good beer, that is. Bud Light & co need not apply.
— maggie 2168 days ago #
Oh the beer flavored nipples are SO cliche…that’s played out. We’re after something new and different.
— andy 2168 days ago #
Really, wine’s the only way to go here.
— maggie 2168 days ago #
ahh but is not the elixir of the teet mothers finest brew of wine? i just made myself throwup…your mothers finest brew of wine!
— little bro 2168 days ago #
I’ll drink wine from nipples.

Actually the question isn’t who would drink wine from nipples but who wouldn’t?
— andy 2167 days ago #
After spending an entire day sucking from the proverbial beer/wine/bourbon/sake nipple, I can safely say that curry is the right way to go on this one, so I stand by my original statements.

And beer-flavored nipples aren’t terribly difficult to come by, although I will concede that (a) it’s a transient state and (b) it requires external assistance (except in certain cases of exceptional girth).
— Byzek 2165 days ago #

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